Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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