Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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