Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
