so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize