You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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