dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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