I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
