yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
