I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
