i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish you could order shots online.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
