um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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