my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
