Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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