would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
