We're facebook friends in real life
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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