So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
