So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
