I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
