Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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