He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
