I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My life is pants optional.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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