you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
