god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
