That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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