quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
