I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
