All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
