how can u be prego again
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
