the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
