I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
