You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
