it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
