My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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