I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize