considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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