Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
