Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
