It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
