Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize