cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's the barista slut.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
