8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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