I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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