Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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