I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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