Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
