I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
