I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
