your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
