Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Boobs speak an international language.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
