Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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