i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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