i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
