you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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