You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
