Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
