a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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