Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
