you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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