remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
