Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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