Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
