Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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