Can i not drive my cunt home
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
