Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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