I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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