I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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