my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
