I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
