We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
